Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Dating: when she makes more

This question came in from Formspring the other day, anonymously. I think it was intended as a personal question, but it has implications for an issue that I think a lot of people deal with in their romantic-financial relationships:
Would you date a woman that makes more money than you? Do you think situations like that (where a woman makes more) makes a relationship more difficult than when a man makes more than the woman?
I would and have dated women with higher incomes than mine. Moreover, I don't think that income alone makes any relationship more or less difficult to navigate.

What does make a huge difference is people's attitudes and habits about money. If either person lacks financial discipline, there's certain to be resentment on the part of the other party about how much money is being spent. That's especially true if the less-disciplined person is the one who earns the least -- imagine the #cmonson look on your face when you brought home your $100k a year paycheck and found your $45k partner went on their third shopping spree this month.

A bigger problem is when one person views money as a proxy for power in the relationship. Neither men nor women should hold their higher incomes above their partners' heads. Both sides have to check their egos at the door where money is concerned. If you feel you have the right to belittle or disrespect your partner because you make more money than they do, you probably don't deserve their love regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.

By the same token, you're probably not mature enough to accept love and handle a serious relationship if you're not humble enough to accept that your partner makes more than you. But those aren't money problems, they're ego and personality problems.

1 comment:

Sanglucci said...

Keith man glad you're back. Great write up!