Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Is it 'trickin' if you got it...and want to give it?

Another interesting question from Formspring:
How do you feel about relationships where one person financially takes care of the other (usually happens when there is an age gap)? Some would deem this as a Sugar Daddy/Mama type of relationship. What are your thoughts on it?
That depends. You know a rich miss looking to sponsor my 33rd birthday party this month? If so, she can call me.

Seriously, I'd be careful about labeling anyone's relationships since everyone does what works for their situations. Is a woman a "Sugar Mama" if she helps her man work his way through college or starting a business? Is a man 'trickin' if his wife or girlfriend is able to stay home to focus on her goals or help with family or household matters?

The point I'm making is that in order to make our financial and romantic relationships harmonious, people need to stop relying on tired, rehashed and stereotypical portrayals of how we behave toward each other when money is involved. Clearly no one wants to be used. No man wants to end up with a "gold-digger" attached to his wallet and no woman wants some lazy, deadbeat man attached to her purse.

But I think those situations lie so far outside the mean that most of us will never have to worry about being someone's Sugar Mama or Daddy (unless we want to be). Meanwhile, most of us have real, common issues in our financial lives that we really need to straighten out before we can be decent romantic-financial partners with anyone else. We'd all do better to focus on those.


Product Junkie Diva said...

I agree that it depends on the couple and their situation but there should be balance on some level. I would hate to think of myself as a financial burden on my mate. Even if he can handle my every need financially without feeling it, I wonder if something happens mentally to both parties in such a relationship. Will the person being supported feel an undue sense of obligation? Will the mate with the money lord it over the needy spouse? It all depends on the players involved but you wouldn't want your mate to feel used, so if you can't buck up financially then perhaps try to balance the playing field by doing more than your share in other areas. Unless of course the mate is ridiculously wealthy then all bets are

Tammy said...

Certain things would be successful under the umbrella of marriage, and I think this is one of them. Ideally (this is Tammy's ideal world mind you lol) a married couple would put their funds together in one pot, and decide together what they can afford to do. If, on combined budget, the family can sacrifice one paycheck to have someone go to school - go for it!

When we can finally get to the point where we consider the money as 'ours', then I think we can avoid the pitfalls of a sugar daddy/momma situation. It's just family sacrifice for the greater good.

Responsibility comes with increased commitment. I wouldn't think it would be fair to support someone outside of the confines of marriage. I certainly wouldn't allow it to happen.